Intense preparation begins. With a stack of applications I am gradually making appointments with all possible doctors for pre-operative examinations. I wouldn’t have thought that September 6 is the deadline for some departments. Long appointment times are the norm, during the summer holidays an examination within three weeks is literally a miracle.
The first mission RTG, polyclinic in Prague 2. I’m making an apparently unsolvable request. I want the X-ray results burned onto a CD. The information man sends me to the cashier with a request form. The ticket office is closed and I’ll come right away with the ticket. After 15 minutes the window opens, I hand over 200 CZK together with the request for a lung X-ray and ask for the CD. Solved for me, but according to the lady there was a problem. What do I need to confirm, the woman behind the window asks after staring blankly at the request form for a few minutes. I tell her that I have no idea how they have it set up, but that I don’t even need the receipt, just the CD. She can’t be stopped. I don’t know where to confirm. Slightly sarcastically, I suggest that wherever else she confirms it. No, that’s not a good enough answer for her. They give me a separate piece of paper to confirm. I ask if there is a form. No, just a piece of paper that I put a stamp on. I give up on another illogical discussion and ask her politely if she can use any A4, A5 paper…. a tissue…. a newspaper clipping…. toilet paper and just put the necessary stamp on the piece so that I can receive the CD. The lady stares at me through the window, then with a shake of her head she tears off the adhesive, puts one stamp on it, really just one tiny stamp, and after 25 minutes the application is processed…. Undeterred, I fiercely enter the office where I am to be imaged. The job is done, in my opinion anyway. Not according to the X-ray operator. Sorry, we have to do it again….. I forgot to put the plate on which it is scanned…Never mind, the lumbar puncture was also twice, why not the X-ray. I got the CD, so I’m happy.
Strengthened by my success, I continue my mission. Now I’m going in for a pulmonary. The hospital in Prague 2 is quite empty, so I’m going to the appointment time. I have a stress test coming up. I point out that due to the possible rupture of the aneurysm, I am not sure about the appropriateness of this test. The nurse agrees, and then the doctor does too. I wonder whether these examinations are not in themselves a kind of Darwinian selection. Those who survive are entitled to continue living. Ok, my breathing is not quite up to standard, but the examination will take place after the wounds have healed, in January at the earliest. They’ll handle it during surgery, don’t worry. All right, I’ll take it on faith.
The period of preparation has other aspects. Moods change like a seesaw. For a while I am in the role of an Amazon who is determined to overcome everything and kick the aneurysm’s ass. Then all it takes is a small impulse, a remark from friends or family that is definitely not meant badly, but hurts me. Everyone around me treads very carefully and I feel sorry for them at times. They mean well by me, the result is futile. I just fall into depression, hopelessness and self-pity. Why me is the typical question of everyone going through a difficult time. No one ever gets a satisfying answer. You just have to accept the situation and not give up hope. Nice to say, harder to do.
Fall down seven times, get up eight.
