An ordinary day, nothing special. A little stress at work, a little sleep deprivation, after work gym, cardio workout. I need to lose weight, at my age my body burns slower than what I’m used to. I’ve been a pole my whole life and now I feel like a whale. I’m telling myself I’m gonna get my body in shape. It’s hot, it’s hard to breathe, but determination keeps me going for an honest hour at the gym. I’m familiar with the feeling of letting my soul out on the machines, and nothing happens differently than usual. So far, no…
I arrive home and a huge fatigue hits me. That’s not normal for me anymore. I’m pretty active. I’m rather hyperactive in my environment. For me to just lie around all day is completely science fiction. It’s 6:30 in the evening, Thursday, June 22. I remember it exactly. After that, it’s all a bit of a blur and I can’t quite put my finger on what happened. I know I fell asleep on the sofa in the living room, where my brother woke me up at 8:30. I’m trying to sit up and I’m confused. I don’t know what day it is, what time it is or what I’ve been doing. Gradually I get my bearings, my head hurts. I chalk it up to the weather, thinking it’s probably going to storm. David, my brother, is talking to me and I’m kind of groping around in what he’s saying. In retrospect, he tells me I was out of it. I took it to mean that I was just sleepy. He leaves and I get up. And that’s when it all starts.
A huge headache coming from the back of your head to the front, as if it were going to push your eyes out of their sockets. Pain so intense it scratches your legs. Pain that was the first time I’ve ever experienced in my life (I’ve had a concussion and it’s incomparable). The first time I hear a sound in my head, a deep tone, at one pitch, like a train horn, it’s hard to describe. I get panicky, I suspect it’s bad…. I get up and try to go get the pill, but I can’t. I go back to my seat and ask my friend to call an ambulance. I already know it’s bad. My hand starts tingling, I feel nauseous, my vision blurs or rather the images blur together, all my limbs start tingling, I feel dizzy, I find it hard to talk.
Ambulance arriving in five minutes. I’m very lucky they were a short walk away. I sense the lady and the gentleman, they want me to describe how I feel, I try to talk but I’m not very good at it. They want me to squeeze their hands, but I don’t have the strength. It is a huge effort for me just to lift my hands, let alone hold and press anything. The brain works, the body refuses to cooperate. I can hear them telling my friend to pack my things, that they are taking me to the emergency room at Motol Hospital and I am going to have some tests.
They load me into the ambulance, strap me in, drop an IV into me, turn on the horn and all I hear is them calling the hospital and saying they are taking a 51-year-old patient with a suspected brain hemorrhage, so make sure everything is ready for our arrival, we’ll be there in 15 minutes.
We’re driving with the siren going and I’m wondering in my mind, is it really a stroke already? Am I too young for this? And if I am, which part of my brain will it hit the hardest? What’s not gonna work? Speech? My eyesight? Will I be partially immobile? What will happen to the children? What will happen to me? What’s next?
I’m strong, but sometimes I still need someone to take my hand and say: “Everything’s gonna be okay.”
